It's possible to really be done with our shit now. Really done. The energy on the planet has shifted opening the possibility for us all to fully release our patterns and blocks. Not just lessening them or mitigating them or coming up with ways to manage them, but being completely done. For most of my life from the time I was a teenager, I struggled with bouts of depression. I would have weeks, even months when obligation was the only thing that got me out of bed. I would get up to go to my job. I would get out the door because someone was expecting me to be somewhere. These bouts would occur three or four times a year. Over the years, I came up with strategies to lessen the intensity and frequency of the depression. The strategies included medication, exercise, keeping my calendar full, and more. The strategies worked. Over the years, the bouts of depression were fewer and less intense. And, I always felt vulnerable. When my moods were most even, when I was most happy, I could feel the depression lingering under the surface. I knew I was always at risk of the depression coming up and consuming my being.
It's been six years since I've had a bout of depression. More than that, the depression is gone. There is no feeling of it underneath the surface. Even when I feel for it, it's just not there anymore. I even have a hard time remembering that I was a person who suffered from depression. There are memories of it and plenty of evidence in old journals. And it just isn't in my being anymore. This led me to consider what else is fully gone.
Trying. I have a pattern I call 'just get through it'. For many years, this manifested as striving in my spiritual practice. I was trying to be open, trying to expand. I was looking for the next piece of work to take on. Spirit sent me the message "be still", in many ways and many times. And I would try. I was doing 'be still'. I knew that wasn't it. Yet, I didn't know how not to try, to strive. Sometime in the last year or two, it just stopped. I"m not sure what the release point was. The work over time released it. I felt rest and stillness for the first time. I allowed whatever spiritual work that needed to be done to come. The trying and striving just isn't part of who I am now. As I write this, I'm feeling for 'just get through it'. Yes, it is still there. But it is not as deep or pervasive. I now know it is clearing out. Clearing out completely. Soon that will be done as well.
Unworthy. In July, there was a shift in me. I gave up being unworthy (Not Choosing Unworthy Anymore). This pattern is/was deep and pervasive. I'm still finding echoes of unworthy in my being and behaviors. Yet, the feeling of being unworthy of Divine Love is done. That manifestation of unworthy is well and truly gone. When I feel for it in my being, it's not there. Already, I'm having a hard time remembering that I ever had this pattern.
Realizing how much I've fully released has given me a boost of energy to continue on the path, doing the work that comes. Not striving or trying, but inviting in what is present for me to fully release. Opening up and inviting opportunity for clearing is quite effective. No waiting. Two of my deep and pervasive patterns came up just a few days after asking. They are the patterns 'not worthy of recognition' and 'if I control life, it will be OK'. They have come up in the forms of resisting leadership and feeling the time pressure of so much to do. Even as I write this my ribs are tightening up. I say yes. I'll do the work. And I know for certain now. That when I fully release them, they will be completely done.
Blessed be.
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