This Friday, I was living a low vibration life, a.k.a. in a funk. Funk days have become infrequent for me. Over the years, the meditation practice and transformational spiritual work have increased my baseline state of being. I have the full range of emotions in reaction to circumstances. I feel happy when I see a friend after an absence. I feel angry and/or depressed after reading the news. I feel jittery if the smoke alarm goes off. When the stimulus passes, the state of being returns to baseline. Today that baseline state is happy, content even joy. Not an exuberant joy like the reaction to great news. Just easy, open joy.
Yet there are still lower vibration days. Days when my baseline state is not joy. There are many ways to describe it, low-level depression, annoyed, anxious. The word that most resonates with me is deflated. On these days irritated, judgemental, and self-righteous are ever-present. This Friday was one of those days. I don't know what triggered it. I'm not even sure when it happened. The day started off with a slightly lower vibration. I was a little tired and did not have full access to joy. But nothing remarkable. At some point during the workday, my vibration plummeted. I became irritated with some normal office dysfunction.
This is common. I get irritated with a touch of self-righteous at least once a day. This is usually triggered by something that doesn't work "right". These feelings usually ride on the edge of my aura and pass quickly. They will dissipate at the end of that conversation, or when I'm on to the next task. Friday, however, self-righteous showed up in full bloom in my emotional field. Irritation was so happy to see it that it blossomed too. The two of them hung around for the entire afternoon. My mind kept playing out conversations. Conversations where I was telling "them" how wrong they were and what they needed to do differently and how hard it is for "us". This fantasy really struck a chord and it went on repeat, playing over and over again in my head.
The doorbell rang signaling that a package had arrived. I thought, 'Oh good, a break. That will shake this funk off.'. I went down picked up the package, unpacked it, and did all the normal disinfecting and putting away. It broke the fantasy loop in my head, but not the funk. I still felt a general low-level annoyance and feeling of being deflated. The unusual thing was that the observer stance was present. I could see that this was some type of pattern-funk playing out. Often when I have an observer stance moment, the low vibration energy dissipates. Friday however, I had the observer stance and could see the funk for what it was, and yet the funk was still there.
There was a moment of decision. Do I meditate or do something else to break the funk? Or do I let it play out? For many years, my impulse would be to do something to make it stop. Lately, I've been living into the knowing that what we resist, persists. I decided to be with the funk. I was breathing into the point between experiencing a block to complete it and re-inforcing and recreating the block by expressing it (a la Michael Singer). With the observer stance available, I was able to experience it. I felt the funk. Felt it without judgment. I didn't try to figure out the cause or wonder when it would go away. I just let it be.
The workday closed and, yup, the deflated feeling came with me into the evening. I sat in my favorite chair watching YouTube videos and allowing the funk to be what it was. I was feeling deflated and out-of-love with life. And I breathed with it. The funk even came to bed with me. Together, we laid down, breathed, and gave the experience to Creation. Saturday morning, I woke, in what I have come to consider normal, a state of easy joy. I don't expect this will be my last experience of a low vibration day. The ebbs and flows of spiritual awakening continue. And I continue to be grateful that the flows grow ever more present than the ebbs.
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