Personality vs. Ego

Sai Maa talks about personality differently from ego in her discourses. I haven't heard a specific teaching from her on this distinction, so I'm writing what is occurring for me, and may not match what Maa would say. In many spiritual teachings, there is a concept of the death of the ego. Or the subjugation of the ego to the divinity within in, as we always have an ego when in body. This has never quite landed for me as truth. Distinguinshing ego from personality has opened up new possibilities. Perhaps with just a shift of language, there is a useful perspective shift for me. We always have a personality when in body. Perhaps the personality is a collection of traits gifted to us when we incarnate in order to aid us in transformation or the journey home. The ego then would be the collection of fear-based patterns, blocks, samskaras that hold us in a state of separation.

A personality trait can serve as an aid in the journey home and used by an ego block to keep us in separation. This can bring up uncertainty around the helpfulness of a trait. Sometimes I wonder if I'm playing out an ego pattern or if it's just how I roll. For example, I have an analytical aspect to my personality. I make lists and I love a good spreadsheet. This can be quite a useful aid in my journey. In various courses, there have been instructions to keep a journal or log of what I experience to see the change. No problem. I'm on it

In fact my Book of Shadows is an index. When I first started practicing, I began a traditional Book of Shadows that contained my spells and the expereince of them. However, I keep a journal and spells and their unfolding naturally flowed in my journal. Going back and re-writing it in a 'presentable' format in my Book of Shadows stopped happening quite early in my practice. I have five spells in there. But the ability to look back, reference and reflect does appeal to me. One year in the fall, I was interested to see the unfolding of my journey over time, so I went through my journal and wrote a list with a summary of the experiences including rituals, spells, perspective shifts, practice descriptions, etc. The list by date gave me an easy way to see trends. That stuck. For the past seven years, every couple weeks I flip back through my journal and update the list. It's perfect for my personality. I can see multi-year trends and have a date reference to go to a specific journal if I want to re-read the details.

I've also found insights and illumination from the close relative of the list, the spreadsheet. Astrology has been a great tool for me on my journey. Working with the energies of the outer planets in my transformation, has really helped me clear out deep patterns. I use a couple of apps on my phone to track the transits to my birth chart. This provides uselful information. However, I’ve found the apps unsatisfying for really seeing these energies over time. They give you a list for the day, but not a good long-term view. So, I created a spreadsheet to see it (picture below). It’s a timeline visual of my transits. The numbers indicate exact transit days and dark colors for strong energy (roughly) and lighter is within two degrees for most transits and one degree for a Quintile. It’s really helping me see what energies are available in the heaven for me to work with.. And it makes my Virgo Rising very happy.

However, this lovely personality trait that is so helpful can be turned to the dark side. My ego reaches out wraps its tendrils of fear around this beautiful trait and it becomes a servant to my patterns of separation. Suddenly, I'm waking with a start on a Saturday morning with the list of things that must get done. The list will play over and over until it is written down. Not that the entire list will get done, nor will it really change what I will do that day. But the pattern of "there is too much to do and it will all go wrong if I don't control it' eases when there is a list. Thankfully, I've stopped adding suffering on top of it. When I see this pattern playing out, I no longer yell at myself for it. I make the list, breathe in the relief and note the message that there is work to do to remeber surrender and allow soul-led action.

This distinction between ego and personality has provided a beautiful perspective shift for me on my journey. I'm not looking for the death of the ego or even the subjugation of it. I'm healing the ego. I'm letting the energy from the patterns to also return home to source. This allows my personality to shine Love and my soul's light cleanly and beautifully.

Blessed be.