Sometimes I have knowledge about something. It lives in the mental field as something I know as a thing that exists. Then in a moment, there is an ah-ha and that knowledge becomes a knowing. A knowing that exists in the body on the visceral level. As that knowing integrates it becomes a belief that exists in my emotional field. It becomes part of my being from which I can act authentically.
Three days ago, if someone had said, ‘Receiving and nurturing are different aspects of the same energy. They are really one thing.’ I would have replied, ‘Oh yeah, that makes sense,’ from my mental field. Two days ago, I had an Energy Scan with a Shaman Kelly Sparta
. In an Energy Scan, Kelle reads the energy of your aura and chakras to provide information about blocks that are ready to be cleared. In this session, there was a theme that ran throughout. I don’t fully receive. I don’t fully receive connection to the Divine through my crown chakra or love through my heart chakra or pleasure through my second chakra. She gave me the most helpful image that I receive love like a blanket. I’m willing to let it wrap around me. But that isn’t the same as receiving it into my being. Hearing this began to shift the energy. I hadn’t realized up to that point that I didn’t fully receive. I began to play with fully receiving love. Thankfully, I have a life partner who I am wonderfully in love with. It helps in practicing fully receiving love. As I consciously chose to let his love all the way in, it felt different. Deeper.
In recent years, I have been embracing aspects of my being that are nurturing. I have the Sun and Mars in Cancer. I am good at holding space for people to grow and express themselves. Energetically, I did this as a manager at work. In my home, I have consciously created a physical space that does this. Last night, as I lay in bed just before falling asleep (ah-has happen frequently for me in liminal space), I had the ah-ha that I wasn’t fully, authentically nurturing either. I realized on body level that receiving and nurturing are the inflow and outflow of the same energy. When I am not fully receiving love into my being, I am not fully offering nurturing love either. And therefore I am not fully being the expression of myself that I was born into this lifetime to be.
To take this knowing to the level of belief, I need to release the blocks to fully receiving. I need to release the belief that I am not worthy enough, that I don’t deserve. Kelle suggested a mantra, “‘ deserve to be loved.’ Mantras help me dislodge old beliefs and allow new beliefs to integrate into my being. So, I’m practicing, ‘I deserve to be loved. I deserve pleasure. I deserve excitement, I deserve knownings.’ It is already feeling like a new level, a new frequency of being. I’m looking forward to seeing how this unfolds as I continue to practice.
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