Looking holistically at all of my blocks, a huge portion of them sit in the area from my shoulders up to the crown of my head. This is not a surprise. I think it is true of most people. This weekend, my soul said it is time to clear them and be done with it.
In the last four years, my spiritual development has accelerated. I've cleared away many blocks and energy has begun flowing more. As a consequence, that energy gets stuck behind the blocks in my head more. The result is headaches. I didn't have headaches very often before then. While the headaches are inconvenient and unpleasant, I haven't worried about it much. I know they are a consequence of my expansion. In the last six months, my awakening has accelerated again. This has given me access to Joy so much more often. It has also heightened my awareness of my remaining blocks. Even when I don't have a headache, I'm aware of the vise-like grip all of the muscles in my shoulders and head have. All of the time.
This Friday, the intensity at work and the changing weather tipped the scale from chronic tension to active headache. Thankfully over the last four years, I've developed decent tactical strategies. Breathing and asking my muscles to relax, taking Acetaminophen, and wrapping a warm beanie around my head. I have a 2-foot x 7-inch pillow filled with some sort of bean. It heats up in the microwave and provides lovely, warm relief. But it doesn't stay on my head without holding it so I take a robe sash to tie it securely to my head. I'm quite the picture and I'm okay with that. Friday night, I went to bed with warm beanie ready to breathe through the pain in order to drift into the bliss of sleep. Soul piped up and said "Nope. Time to work." In the last six months, with every block that has come up, it's been time to work on it. No more, "we'll get to that one later".
Renee taught me a technique to go inside, go to the place in the body where the block is, and have a conversation with it. As observer, have a conversation with the block so that it can be experienced. It can be experienced fully and it passes through to Creation and is complete (à la Michael Singer). Friday's headache was on the right side. It ran from the tip of my shoulder along the trapezius, up the neck, the occipital ridge, up the skull, above the ear, all the way around to the point were the eyebrow meets the nose. I took a few deep breaths, went into my body to the right side, and asked the headache if it had a message for me. For those who remember radios, it was like turning the tuning knob quickly through the stations. I heard mostly static with a little bit of noise that might be information. Clearly, I was going to need a different approach.
I took my hand and ran my fingers along the pain until I got to a place that was sharp and held there. I went into that place and asked that block if there was a message for me. On top of my shoulder, I found 15-year-old Brenda sobbing and exhausted. She was so tired of trying to be liked, to be normal, to be accepted. I held her, comforted her, and let her know the world wasn't ready for light. I told her that it's okay now. As I soothed her, her breathing eased, she fell asleep and faded away. The tension in my shoulder gave way a bit. I lingered there receiving the ease flowing into my body.
Next, at the occipital ridge, I found 20-year-old, autistic Brenda. She was walking in circles in a panic saying over and over, "Need to remember". Suddenly, my dear friend was there saying, "Hello Gorgeous". I've heard her say this to her kids with a full, open, generous heart. One of the gifts of this dear friend is that she sees people's souls. She sees the beauty in people and wants it to shine through. This friend showed up for 20-year-old Brenda because she always saw my beauty, saw my soul. 20-year old Brenda relaxed and knew we don't have to try and remember God. We just have to look for each other's souls. The pain at that place eased. I let the immense gratitude for her friendship fill me and sat with it for a time.
Up a few inches, Anger! 30-year-old Brenda was F@#&ing angry! She was screaming and sick to death of oppression everywhere and having to pretend it was fine. She wasn't fine. I started kicking and punching as I lay in bed. (Thankfully, Bob wasn't in bed at this point). I let myself experience the anger, acknowledge how hard life can be, and let it flow out of me. With a breath, the tension in that spot broke. I allowed the grace of freedom to breathe into me.
There were a couple more points in my head and neck. One released, and for one it wasn't time. Then sleep came. I woke in the morning without a headache. Still a massive amount of tension, but just a little less than before. I know that this is round one of many more. My head has a lot of blocks in it. And I'm on it! Because with every block that clears, I have more freedom.
Blessed be.
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